that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
