Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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