physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
