apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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