I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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