It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
