Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
