I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
