U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
