I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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