So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
