singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
