Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
