So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
