Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize