i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
