Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
the condom got lost in my hair
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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