mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
