Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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