Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
