please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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