i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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