yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
whose parrot is this?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
