Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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