my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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