Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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