is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
