I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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