At least make sure they are 18
Why
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize