She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
