i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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