I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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