i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
If I die, sorry about rent.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
