I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
