I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
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