I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
