You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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