Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
