I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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