We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
