he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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