ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
