OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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