Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
