I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
