Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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