i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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