Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
