chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
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