I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
