I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
