do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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