I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
