come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
