2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize