Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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