how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize