i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Will exercising make me less horny?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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