mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
