So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
