Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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