sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
