how can u be prego again
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
