idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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