yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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