So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
