you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
