Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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