Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
found the other keg... it's in the tree
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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