You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
