Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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