And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
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