this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize