Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
