it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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