nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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