I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
