I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
