So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
