Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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