He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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