I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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