DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
