Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
