I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
