I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Randomize
