Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
