I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
