Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
