they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
