sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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