I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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