We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
