ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
