So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
