if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
