the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
