My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize